The Great Equalizer by Meryle

what if we are the storm?

what if Kali's wrath is good?

what if now is wrong and destruction's current currency is right?

 

redirect that current. redirect the narrative. redirecting the current narrative

 

the leaders and creatures will not conglom their egos for resolutions. they will not lift their shields of hubris to nobly take the mantle of protectors of ALL.

 

they will not die for us

but they will die for themselves

 

who destroys the destructors?

who erases through wiped slates?

don’t press the reset

set free the repressed

the news arched and smartly dressed

the wolf mouth bride

who swallows your flesh

digests your nonsense

giving birth to our word refreshed.

 

and the storm is awesome. 

because

I am the storm

 

- Meryle

Autism Journal #1 by Meryle

Last week was the Eurovision 2017 song contest, and admittedly it was the first time I had ever watched the whole contest and not just clips of ridiculousness.  I was raised in a very artistic household, but my parents' art tastes tended to be on the intellectual and avant-garde side of the creative spectrum, and as such, the grandiose ridiculosity of Eurovision was not on our radar at all.  But it sure is on my radar NOW after what I saw last week.

I was invited to a viewing party in my friends basement and it was attended by burlesque producers, drug free anime ravers, and most of the members of a Jewish Accapella choir that performs Jewish-themed parody versions of popular songs (yes they are very popular at the local bat/bah-mitzvahs, how did you know?!).  I got there a half an hour late, just in time to see Italy perform (Francessco Gabbani a.k.a. my love, my soulmate, no big deal) and immediately I fell into my oblivious shit-talking and sassy questions/commentary that had everyone laughing and the host hugging me saying “aah!  I’m so glad you are here I knew I needed you for this”

Watching Eurovision was a wild time and super fun! I have so many thoughts on the Contest itself and all the hilarious anecdotes from the party that I could write about, but this story isn’t about those things.

 It is about Portugal winning, and autism.

Salvador Sobral won Eurovision with his sister Luisa’s song Amare Pelos Dios, but hours before that happened, as I sat in that basement waiting for his performance to start, my friend turned to me and said, "there is rumour he’s on the spectrum.”

 

There are two things in this world that will make me throw my fists up in the air and yell “MY PEOPLE”:

1) When welsh people do very welsh things,

and

2) ESPECIALLY when autistic people are exceptional in public.  

 

I don’t know if he or his family know what high-functioning autism is, let alone if they know he has it.  They have been very private and secretive about his heart condition (denying reports about it for awhile) so they may know he is (probably) Aspergers, or they may not know.

But watching him during the performance and the things I have seen of him since, he absolutely comes off as very much 'my people'.

Watching his performance the physical signs were obvious to me. The awkward movments of his hands during his performances were the first signs.  Alone, hand gestures like that can seem like nothing but an akward affectation.  But that was not the only sign he showed.  The non-reactional "*shrug* hey of we won!” attitude to winning suggested the delayed emotional processing we can experience, but once he got to the acceptance speech, I was sure he was on the spectrum.

 

“we live in a world of disposable music; fast food music without any content.  I think this could be a victory for music with people who make music that actually means something.  Music is not fireworks; music is feeling.  So let's try to change that and bring music back”

 

Wow.  He said that after winning the biggest, flashiest, pop song contest in the world.  And watching his face and the heartfelt way he gave the speech (in English, not his first language of Portuguese) I could tell, he had NO IDEA how rude his speech was to all the other contestants.  “Wow that’s some shade.” said the party host, “That’s some autism, that’s what that is!” I responded.  "I bet has no clue why what he said was rude”

As an autistic person, i know the subtle things we do that are different from what neurotypicals do, and neurotypicals tend to see these things as being willfully rude or eccentric without understanding that what they are actually witnessing is autism.  A person who doesn’t know autism may attempt to argue with me that those behaviours could be indicative of anything, or that I am not able to “guess" a diagnosis.  But the thing is, I am able.  I live autism, I know autism. Because I am so acutely aware of how NOT like everyone else I am, anything I see that acts like me stands out like a spotlight in the dark.

Salvador’s post-win performance proved his autism to me without a doubt.  He invited his sister Luisa to sing the song with him.  He sang the first bit, and when he passed the mic off to Luisa the audience exploded at how deep and beautiful her voice was.  And behind her Salvador started happy-flapping, clapping and jumping up and down with excitement.  Nobody flails like an autistic person, and Salvador is clearly autistic.  

And let me be clear: his abilities are stunning.

Since the show (aside from my constantly listening to and swooning over Gabbani’s Occidentali's Karma) I have seen a lot more physical proof that Salvador is on the spectrum.  The most obvious one I found was a picture of him on stage holding the award, confetti flying all around him, just staring into the distance with a Mlem sticking out of his mouth.  To paraphrase the Foxworth joke structure: If you’re staring into the void with your tongue sticking partway out your mouth, you just might just be autistic.

Autism is a spectrum, but our society only really talks about the extreme autistic who suffer from co-morbid diseases and disabilities that make their condition extremely visible and hard to manage.  This is not the most common form of an autistic person.  There are many more Autistic people who look and act like Salvador, Dan Harmon, Daryl Hanna or David Byrne, and a lot of times regular people don’t realize this because autism isn’t want they think it is.  And I think its time for us to change that.

The Reflection Burns by Meryle

Are you awake yet? I’m not, but the dreams have reached a fever pitch, and I can tell the break is coming soon.  It's the stage of lucid dreaming where you know you can’t control what's happening anymore, but you can control where you fly and how soon you open your eyes to the waking reality around us.

I’m tired.  Are you tired?  We all are.  It’s a challenge losing, it's a challenge having our worldview shaken up, it's a challenge to have everything you believe in about the world rattled around and re-configured.  The minute you believe you know the truth of how the world works, the rules change and the world asks you to come with it.  But you’re faced to the facade of the world you THINK you live in, and that leaves you with your back to the conscious world that is asking you to grow and change with it.  And if you leave your face to the facade for too long, your expectations will get out of line with conscious change, and the world will whip your back for attention, hitting you over and over, until you turn and face it/

If you don’t change are you nature or manufactured machine? Because if we don’t embrace the change, this stagnation leads to emotional and physical rust.

Healing cats. by Meryle

When I was 10 My Chiropractor/Naturopath had a cat problem.  She had her practice in the top floor apartment suite in a house in fancy-pants Yorkville.  The living room was the front office, and the bedrooms and small dining room were the practice areas.  It was a calm space with lots of soft sound, light, and calm energy.  In the summertime, they left the screen door to the back balcony/fire escape open.  And that summer for a whole week, one Cat refused to leave the appointment rooms.  Her or her husband (with whom she shared a practice) would bring a patient into a room and the Cat would be sleeping on the practice table.  They would chase the Cat out, but the next day the Cat would find a way back in, and they would find the Cat again on one of the tables.  This happened every day for a week.  Once she realized that the Cat wasn’t going to leave, it occurred to her that maybe, the Cat was coming to her office because it wanted an appointment.  So the next time she found the Cat lying on the table, she gave it a session.  She gave it a rub down, then gave it adjustments, and a reiki energy treatment.  The Cat didn’t act up or retaliate, it just let her do her work.  When she was done, the Cat got up, shook itself off, stretched and hopped off the table.  It left the office and she never saw it again.

 

So healers, thinking of this story I ask you, what is the thing in your life that won’t go away?  Is it something annoying and inconvenient? Are you trying to chase it away or are you healing it?  Because perhaps that person or thing that has been drawn into your life isn’t leaving yet because you still have your work to do.  If you want to get rid of your problems, love and heal them, and they will walk out the door on their own.

Pillows of Snow by Meryle

"There is a holy white light to a sunshine winter day.
Everything sounds soft and the light shines brighter, there are crystals in the street.

The black lace of naked tree fracture dark veins across the sky like the stems of your own lungs.

And then you breath in ice knives and you are awake, and present, aware of every sliver of the shiver of every cell in your body, they all say:
"oh yes this is cold, like the last time I forgot, what a shock."

Is it bad to feel cold when the sun has a halo of white gold and mounds of fluffy white diamonds reflect the sky?
The feelings lose meaning when - reflective and gleaming - the light shimmering beauty infects the eyes."

- Meryle

Style Factory starts Sept 2nd! by Meryle Cox

I am THRILLED to announce I am one of the narrators for the brand new show Style Factory!  It starts September 2nd at 9pm on Slice Network!  I am co-narrating with Joe DaCosta of Indie88.

The show is all about the manufacturing process of your favorite fashion and beauty items, from shoes, and boots, to jewllery, hats, menswear, make-up and haute fashion.  We take you through the designs, history and production of various iconic style items.  Its a neat and facinating show, and a great way to start your 'stylish' night out (or night in!)!

Set your PVRs for Fridays at 9pm on Slice!!  Episodes repeat 8pm on Saturdays!

Singing at True Storie Told Live! Jan 26th! by Meryle

Back in October I had the lucky last minute opportunity to tell a true spooky ghost story at the special Halloween edition of Marsha Shandur's True Stories Told Live!  And I'm thrilled to say I'm getting a chance this month to tell another story as the special musician guest of True Stories Told Live! on Tuesday January 26th at The Garrison

Every month at True Stories Told Live, Marsha reserves a spot for a musician to tell a story about music that influenced their life, and I am going to tell the story about how I met my Vocal HERO (No joke! We share a voice) U2's lead singer Bono.  The story is full of teenage confusion, spiritual awakenings, and a lot of David Bowie.  Mark Bond (awesome Second City Musical Director) will be accompanying me on piano for some songs!

 

True Stories Told Live! January 26th at the Garrison, Doors at 645, show 7:30 sharp!  Get there earlier if you want a seat, and don't worry about money, the show is FREE! (And the drinks aren't expensive!)

Turner Transmission #5 by Meryle

"I turn my polarity towards music, towards expressing it all, even the good, and don’t be afraid of the bad it’s all glorious."

 

Yet such a masochist that it’s emotionally grounded in pain too.  How strange this little body, How strange this frantic mind.  Worrying about people it only barely realizes don’t matter.  They’re just a distraction and she keeps being distracted so well.  On the shackles on her thoughts, lets see if she turns around, lets see if she turns around and see’s us.  Lets see if its a story/tale or not.

 

How did we communicate before?  Always through words but the visual symbols changed so often.  Try it more, you’ll learn it quick enough, but hurry, don’t go scaring yourself with deadlines, they come, they are dead, breath your full breath out before you are gone.

 

If you think too much, move your body till you stop thinking.  Some movements work more efficiently at release than others.  Some movements must be expressed as the pure emotion they are.  

 

And if you can’t find the release valve for your expression anywhere, RUN.  Run like a child, run like you know freedom, run like it deeply matters where you are running to. Run until you can’t think of anything but how to keep your body moving and still breathing.  You have to express and run your frustration into the stratosphere and when you land back on earth with nothing on your mind, then you can start to permanently reorient your main programming.

 

So run, run till you can’t think any further, then let it all go and sing.