Eurovision 2019! / by Meryle Cox

Its that time of year again!  Eurovision 2019 week!  The Semi Finals start today and The finals are on Saturday May 18th 2019!  I will be co Hosting a Eurovision Livestream party with my friend and Eurovision enabler Rena, at Paupers Pub in Toronto.  Pre show starts 1pm and the show starts at 3pm but we advise you GET THERE SUPER EARLY It was packed last year and there is limited seating!

Normally I’d have posted this closer to when the all 41 participants video was released, but life has been a little busy, and Eurovision definitely snuck up on me this year!  This year is queer as ever, and full of pathos, and I’m for it!  Here is my take on each song from this year!

Official ReCap video of all 41 Eurovision 2019 participants first impressions!

Albania - Jonida Maliqi: Ktheju tokës - PATHOS!  Cant have Eurovision without pathos and you can’t have Eurovision pathos without getting wet.  If you aren’t being drenched with rain in the video or stage show did you ever truly love? No. 

Armenia - Srbuk: Walking Out - Her voice is fantastic and this song stomps.  really hope her bare chested male dancers join her on stage, cause there choreo is intense!

Australia - Kate Miller-Heidke: Zero Gravity - Perfect Eurovision song.  Period the end.  Australia might win this year and wouldn’t that be weird. Weird, not that a beautiful woman with an angelic sounding voice, standing dead still on stage in an epic dress with weird flailing ghost dancers wining Eurovision would be weird.  But weird as in “Eurovision is being hosted in Australia?” weird.

Austria - PÆNDA: Limits - You, you, yoooooou.  I know exactly how old she is based on her tattoos.  Teen in the 90’s 1000%.  Lovely voice and song, but wether it will land in the finals or not all depends on the stage show.

Azerbaijan - Chingiz: Truth - If the stage show is anything like the video I am excited!  We’ve got celestial galactic sparkle space twinks, and neon black light babes, can’t wait to see it live!

Belarus - Zena: Like it - Yes you like JLO. Yes you like JLO, you like jLO.  Big fan of the bi pride flag colours that is the lighting, hope she brings that queer energy to the stage.  Might not make it to finals.

Belgium - Eliot: Wake up - What fucking creepy-ass harem of pale girls is this?? It seems like every year there is a creepy white boy singing a creepy possessive stalker song and this feels like that song this year.  Lets see if he brings the handmaids in his music video to Tel Aviv.

Croatia - Roko: The Dream - Meh  k.  I am bothered that Croatia cant be bothered to make a video.  A fucking headshot?  This is Eurovision, go into the fucking hills get someone with an iPhone and video editing software, you can make something for so cheap.  Anyway I’ll be shocked if this makes it to the finals.

Cyprus -  Tamta: Replay - Ah Eurovision!   Where sexy Cyprian women perform songs that were obviously written for Rihanna but she passed on it.  Big fan of the sex honey in the video but will they go full sploosh on the stage?  Who knows, Eurovision is wild and kinky!

Czech republic - Lake Malawi: Friend of a Friend - adorable!  Two Door Cinema is PISSED they didn’t write this song.  I jam to it.

Denmark - Leonora: Love Is Forever - UGH.  ITS SO 1960s Eurovision.  its classic Eurovision corny saccharine naive “wholesome love song” and I hate it.  Looks like Lilly Tomlin’s Edith Ann shtick, but not as fun.

Estonia - Victor Crone: Storm - First off victor looks like the dude from Creed so Im already mad.  Second: this is just a shitty re-write of last Eurovision’s “Storms don’t last forever” from UK

Finland- Darude feat. Sebastian Rejman: Look Away - FIRST OF ALL: Legendary Darude!  Sounds like a Darude song, great, love it.  Second: YOU CANT HAVE PATHOS ABOUT BEING IN LOVE AT EUROVISION WITHOUT GETTING WET!  And Darude seems to be doing gender swapped The Shape of Water.

France - Bilal Hassani: Roi - Eurovision is always very gay and queer but this year is their first Non-Binary participant.  This song is beautiful and brings chills, I see this Italy, and Australia being the songs to battle it out for top spot!

Georgia - Oto Nemsadze: Keep on Going - Stop yelling at me man bun, yikes!

Germany - S!isters: Sisters -They are sisters in a band called S!ster singing a song called Sisters….. or the other way around idk. Oh and they are VERY MUCH not related.  And if you couldn’t tell that?  Look at them, what’s wrong with you?!

Greece - Katerine Duska: Better Love - This is what Katy Perry wishes she was.  I love everything about this video, it’s amazing aesthetic, her beautiful voice can’t wait for the stage show.

Hungary - Joci Pápai: Az én apám - i like it.  don’t know how well it will do but its a lovely song.  First Na na na of the contest. 

Iceland - Hatari: Hatrið mun sigra - HERE COME THE ANARCHIST GOTH STOMPERS!  As a goth myself, I love it.  I would some out to this at a club called “bat cave” or “Sanctuary” or something like that.  They have publicly identified as pro-Palistine, so they may pull something political if they get to the finals.  Hell they may blow their political load in the semi’s.

Ireland - Sarah McTernan: 22 - Well Hello Irish Barbie!  Cute song, won’t finish too high, but she has a good voice.  I bet she loves Anna Nicole Smith, but hates the drugs.

Isreal - Kobi Marimi: Home - So here’s the thing.  Eurovision costs A LOT of money to host.  And some countries send songs that they know will not win, just to stay in the contest and pretend like they are trying.  This is “meh” Il Divo in english nonsense makes no sense coming from Israel after a wild track like Netta’s last year, but Israel doesn’t want to win this year.  oObviously.

Italy - Mahmood: Soldi - Like Ermal Meta in 2017, Mahmood decided to bring a “fuck dad, he was a bastard!” song to Italy’s Sanremo song contest and he won with it.  It’s a beautiful song, and I think it’s gonna go far in the finals.

Latvia - Carousel: That Night - Cute, nice voice, NOT a Eurovision song, bet it won’t get to the finals.

Lithuania - Jurij Veklenko: Run With The Lions - Generic pop rock faux inspirational blah blah.  This guy reminds you of that one “champ” at Karaoke who sings shit like Imagine Dragons.

Malta - Michela: Chameleon - This song is awesome but has this person never heard of Boy George and “Karma Chameleon”???

Moldova - Anna Odobescu: Stay - This music video is the WORST car ad I’ve ever seen.  Also once again proving at Eurovision, you aren’t REALLY feeling love if you aren’t completely soaking wet.

Montenegro - D mol: Heaven - It’s The Duggers: The Musical! This looks and sounds like some creepy ass American “christian ministries!” music group.  And the song is called ‘Heaven” so I’m probably not wrong.  Its got all the joy of white American racists at a post lynching party.

North Macedonia - Tamara Todevska: Proud - IS THIS A DRAMATIC LESBIAN SONG!?  I hope so!  But it’s probably just a “feminist anthem” which is ok too!

Norway - KEiiNO: Spirit in the Sky - Classic Eurovision Euro-trash dance song.  what the fuck is that bald guy singing?  can’t wait to see more drum nonsense in their stage show!!

Poland - Tulia: Fire of Love (Pali się) - This is not an appropriate Eurovision song, and it’s creepy as hell.  I love it tho.

Portugal - Conan Osiris: Telemóveis - I…  I just…  Welcome to classic Eurovision: Thats Weird as Shit! Edition staring Portugal.  Its almost a cool avant thingy but it’s really not.  Why is the dancer like that?  En pointe in nikes? Dancing so close to the singer (as a clown friend pointed out)???? Cant wait to see this mess of a stage show!

Romania - Ester Peony: On a Sunday - Big dramatic pop song with a hard slow sexy dance beat.  I love it, And can’t wait to see what shoulder based outfit she wears on stage!

Russia - Sergey Lazarev: Scream - Earnest and Dramatic it might do well depending on the stage performance.  I like the Dragon knight and princes classic narrative and hope it remains in the stage show.

San Marino - Serhat: Say Na Na Na - The second Na na na of the contest! Say Na na na!  What more is there to know? Say na na na!  if you want this to make sense? Nope! na na na!

Serbia - Nevena Božović: Kruna - She’s really cute, she has a nice voice she’s over doing it a bit and HEY PYRO!  Will she make it to the finals?  idk.

Slovenia - Zala Kralj & Gašper Šantl: Sebi - WHATS THAT I SEE!?  SLAVS IN ADIDAS TRACKSUITS?  PLEASE SQUAT TO ACHIEVE FULL MEME STATUS! Chill beats I like it. 

Spain - Miki: La Venda - Upbeat, better than the past two years (but thats damning) lots of fun, there better be a dance party on stage!

Sweden - John Lundvik:  Too Late For Love - Ahh… ok, I like it, but do you feel like maybe Sweden saw how well Cesar Sampson placed last year and thought “pfft!  we can do that better!”  But at the same time the contest is pretty white so this is needed in the finals.  The song is good tho, that’s for sure. 

Switzerland - Luca Hänni: She Got Me - Why is a Swiss guy doing Moroccan/Turkish style music?  Idk but I personally like it, but not sure it’ll get past the semi’s.

The Netherlands - Duncan Laurence: Arcade - I like it, pathos, damning love lyrics.  OH WHATS THAT?  THERE’S PATHOS?  YES! YES HE IS WET! Can’t wait to see the stage treatment, it will make or break this song.

UK - Michael Rice: Bigger Than Us - Generic soaring inspiring blue eyed soul clap along arena song.  I’m never gonna remember it when Eurovision is over.  He also has a hard time keeping on key!

Phew what a line up! I predict a tight race between Italy, Australia and France with Australia taking it, unless France brings an amazing performance! See you Saturday!