I want to smoke cigarettes and hate myself.
I’m so used to it, it seems like the right thing to do.
Like getting frustrated and animated at things I can’t control
At things that aren’t that bad,
Like I’m not validly existing
Unless I am performing annoyance like a boiling kettle screaming steam.
Everything is ok
Everything is gonna be fine
Just gotta get uncomfortable while I slip between that rock and a hard place
But I know I’ll slip through
I’m more malleable than I know.
The glamorous sad keeps pulling at the back of my shirt
Sometimes tripping me and choking me
I’ve changed too much
In such a short period of time
I’m looking around surprised at what I’ve lost.
Looking for memories of the time everything vibrated with daggers into my senses
But now its iridescent pink bubbles, and rose petal clouds swirling around me
Sometime reality smelling like farts or screaming like police sirens,
But only for a minute
Only for a moment
Only for a second.
And then my body settles back to that soft wind tickling through the fresh uncut wild green grass.
And lilac trees bloom around my mind
Like a fragrant halo.